Who says ectopic pregnancy has to be a bad thing? Pending a medically necessary eviction, this luxurious short-term rental can fit a growing fertilized egg for about six to 10 weeks. Reference #543286 The post Fallopian Tube appeared first on The Onion.
GLENDALE, CA—Rotating the tortilla-wrapped meal to consume the Mexican food in even levels, eyewitnesses reported Thursday that every movement in local man Eddy Azarian’s burrito-eating technique has been informed by past burrito tragedies. “You can see how he massages the outside to get an a well-balanced distribution of ingredients as he goes, so you know […]
PALM BEACH, FL—Blushing, short of breath, and unable to look away from the image, the Trump boys told reporters Thursday that they got a weird feeling after their Uncle Elon showed them a picture of a busty anime cat girl. “Uncle Elon called us over to look at his phone, made us promise not to […]
PALM BEACH, FL—Revealing that the stage was first set in 1999 with his short-lived Reform Party run, President-elect Donald Trump admitted Friday that his entire political career has been a WWE storyline to set up a match with Cody Rhodes. “Everything, from the Obama trutherism to retaking the White House, has been building to this: […]
President-elect Donald Trump selected Matt Gaetz as his choice for attorney general. Here is what you need to know about the former Florida congressman. Age On Tinder: 22 Height: 6-foot-2 with extra gangle Speaking Style: Scorned debate champion Religion: As needed Criminal History: Unfolding Forehead Movement: Critically endangered Fake ID Connection: Solid Type Of Sleazy: […]
WASHINGTON—With widespread support from her Republican colleagues, Rep. Nancy Mace (R-SC) introduced a bill Friday that would ban transgender lawmakers from the congressional gymnastics team. “I don’t care how good their bar routine is—no trans lawmaker will ever step on this mat,” Mace said in support of the two-page resolution aimed at preventing incoming Delaware […]
Former Florida Rep. Matt Gaetz announced that he would withdraw his name from consideration to be President-elect Donald Trump’s attorney general, his path to the role mired by a series of allegations of sexual misconduct, including sex with a minor at a 2017 party. What do you think? “Is he still having his nomination party […]
Police in Peru arrested a man caught trying to leave the country with 320 tarantulas, 110 centipedes, and nine bullet ants strapped to his body, with the officials called to action after noticing that his stomach area looked “bulky.” What do you think? “How do we know the Tarantulas weren’t smuggling him?” Kevin Lynch, Exterior […]
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