Fired FBI Agent Glumly Suction-Cup-Walks Down Side Of Building
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Elon Musk Offers Self $10 Billion Federal Buyout
WASHINGTON—Saying he was just more deadweight hampering the executive branch’s ability to function efficiently, Elon Musk confirmed Monday that he had offered himself $10 billion to resign from his position as head of President Trump’s Department of Government Efficiency. “Like many other federal employees, I too have been presented with a buyout option as part […]
Justin Trudeau Resigns – The Onion
Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau resigned as polls indicated that his Liberal Party was set to be trounced by the opposition Conservative Party in the upcoming election. What do you think? “Good, he would never have beaten Trump.” Chloe Slovik, Systems Analyst “I blame everyone who let him keep going at the ancient age of […]
UK government announces blanket ban on puberty blockers
Health Secretary Wes Streeting has announced an “indefinite ban” of puberty blockers for trans young people below the age of 18. Rather than being limited to the NHS, the ban will also apply to private healthcare providers. This comes after the Commission of Human Medicine carried out a review which found there to be an […]
Assad Flees Syria After Rebels Capture Damascus
The Assad family’s decades-long reign in Syria came to an abrupt end when rebel forces captured Damascus after a stunning lightning-strike rout across the country. What do you think? “If he doesn’t learn to stand up for himself, they’ll never leave him alone.” Valerie Lorensson, Unemployed “I’m sure another country looking for an experienced dictator […]
South Korean President Faces Impeachment After Declaring Martial Law
South Korea’s President Yoon Suk Yeol faced parliamentary moves to impeach him after sending heavily armed forces into Seoul’s streets with his sudden declaration of martial law, harkening back to the country’s past dictatorships. What do you think? “If nothing else, hopefully this showed Yeol areas where he can improve for his next coup.” Jack […]
Get a Government Permit to Cut Your Own Christmas Tree at a National Forest
As any aspiring lumberjack knows, most of the time it’s illegal to wander into a national forest to chop down a tree. This month, however, the U.S. Department of Agriculture is all for it—provided you get yourself a Forest Service-issued permit first. Cutting your own tree on federal land isn’t just legal—it’s actually a pretty […]
Kneecap win funding dispute with UK government
Concluding a year-long saga, a Belfast court has today (November 29) ruled that the UK government’s decision to rescind a £14,250 grant to Kneecap because of their political views is illegal. The funding was initially awarded to the Irish-language rap trio as part of the government-backed Music Export Growth Scheme, which aims to promote UK […]
Matt Gaetz Withdraws As Trump’s Attorney General Pick
Former Florida Rep. Matt Gaetz announced that he would withdraw his name from consideration to be President-elect Donald Trump’s attorney general, his path to the role mired by a series of allegations of sexual misconduct, including sex with a minor at a 2017 party. What do you think? “Is he still having his nomination party […]
Maori members of New Zealand government perform unforgettable protest Haka in parliament
By now most people are used to seeing the haka performed at sporting events or in celebration of life events. But the dance isn’t just a dance of celebration, it’s a dance that started as a war dance so it can be used in ways that are less jovial in nature. Maori members of the […]